31st Edition

Want to hear something kinda depressing OR maybe exciting if you're a nerd like me??

Check out this graphic below

So, yes, we could look at graphic a couple of ways (a little ol' cog-b for ya'll here)

1. OMG, there's so much out there I don't even know I don't know. How do even function? How am I qualified to help others? Did I even go to school???

2. Wow, I will NEVER get bored. The world is exciting and is full of new stuff to learn all of the time. Literally, endless opportunities to learn ALL THE THINGS.

Where do you land??

I'm betting it's somewhere in between. Honestly, me too, depending on my mood, amount of sleep, workload etc. etc.

But, I do know I'm in a better place if I can frame this conundrum of 'not knowing what you don't know' in a more positive light.

Otherwise I can go to some dark and twisty places SUPER fast courtesy of the imposter syndrome highway (more about this in the next Ally).

And what else helps? A little humor in my life and trying not to take myself so seriously.

I'm human, I mess up, and if I can laugh about it those shame pathways don't get so triggered and reinforced.

So to help you feel better about yourself and maybe even chuckle a little bit, I'll give you the top 5 times that I CLEARLY didn't know what I DIDN'T KNOW (and looked like an idiot but still survived:)

NUMBER 1.

My husband wanted a new chainsaw, but he insisted that it be a certain kind. No problem, I'm an educated woman, I can handle this.

I walked into Lowe's and told them I wanted a specific kind of chainsaw for my husband - a steel one.

The older, helpful man promptly nodded and led me through the maze of tools to the correct section of chainsaws. I thanked him. He nodded and started to walk away, but then I said, "Wait - are they STEELLLL???"

He looked at me like I had lost my mind and then I finally put it together that steel chainsaw were actually a BRAND NAME that is spelled STHIL (but sounds like steel).

Super embarrassing (oh well) and it was CLEAR to EVERYONE that I didn't know what I didn't know.

This is just going to keep getting worse ya'll so bear with me - I'm outing myself just for you:)

NUMBER 2.

Early in our marriage, my husband and I lived in a VERY little cabin in the middle of the woods; it was a tiny house before they were cool - it was called being poor.

Because it was in the middle of the woods, we often heard OUTSIDE noises really clearly and birds made nests around the perimeter of our home (I promise this is going somewhere, hang in there with me).

One afternoon, I was boiling eggs in our kitchen and I started hearing small little 'cheep cheep' noises. My first thought - I was boiling baby chicks alive and they were in stress.

In complete freak-out mode, I ran outside to grab my husband, yelling that that I needed him to hear something super weird. He was extremely concerned that the house was on fire (or something equally as dire) and quickly leaped up the steps into the kitchen.

When I explained to him my worries, he literally couldn't talk. I think it was likely from one of two things:

1. His complete disbelief that I had made it this far in LIFE and was considered intelligent by the rest of the world

2. He was laughing so hard that he couldn't speak

That was the day that I learned something I didn't know that I didn't know -- that baby chicks are not part of the process when you purchase eggs from the store. WHO KNEW, I KNOW.

NUMBER 3.

This example is a little more serious one - and more recent but shows that we all benefit from a state of learning.

One of my client's mom is a super intelligent, well-respected nurse. When she received her second vaccine shot, she became SUPER sick for about two weeks.

When talking to her about this, I actually said "Let's assume that I know nothing about how this really works (not a stretch I know), but is that a good thing - like does it mean you have more antibodies?"

She was super kind about with her reply. That day I learned that your reaction to the vaccine is more likely an indicator of what it would have been like for you if you would have gotten the virus. For example, if she would have gotten it, she would have likely been in the hospital, but her husband (who had little reaction to the vaccine) would have likely had mild symptoms.

My response: HUH! I did not know that and now I do. Another wrinkle in my brain:)

NUMBERS 4 AND 5. If you've been with me for any amount of time, you know that I am born and raised in the South.

Not the oh, it's so beautiful, look at the Spanish Moss from the veranda as we sip our mint juleps BUT more of the the kind where we...

grow corn and "do it" (means put it up for later - it's a whole process), have crawfish boils to feed everyone, eat church potlucks, give directions like "turn off the gravel road onto the other one and go until you see the broken down barn with a red side," and get beautiful hand-made quilts from our grandmothers made from familiar patterns (because who can afford to buy fabric when you have PERFECTLY good scraps from outgrown clothes right here).

Just helping you set the scene here because these last two are one of MANY times when I literally didn't know what I didn't know from just being Southern.

NUMBER 4:

Quick, your power goes out. What do you do??

Do you

a) quietly wait for the power to come back on light the candles you have for the just in case?

b). call the power company to TELL them your power is out while turning on the generator to make sure you are cool and can finish frying your chicken?? Oh and if it's winter, throw another log onto the fire and close the doors so you can make pallets in the living room.

If you answered B, then you can come to my house anytime:)

Yep, I thought that you were SUPPOSED to call the power company every time (like even in my dorm I tried to do this) - apparently that's NOT a thing if you don't live in the middle of nowhere and not everyone has generators (like not even baby ones that you can plug into your window unit - I KNOW).

Again, something I didn't know that I didn't know. And I'm still alive many years later.

NUMBER 5:

Sooo, to give you and understanding of my Southerness from just my speech, here's the perfect picture to sum it up:

Well, maybe it's not THAT bad but it's close, especially if I'm around my family for any amount of time OR am tired OR am mad OR have been having a good time:)

Growing up, so many phrases were part of the lexicon that I took them for actual idioms that everyone knew.

When I married a non-Southerner (from Colorado - I know SMH), I quickly learned that not everyone knew my commonly-used and OBVIOUS phrases.

What to hear a few that I didn't know that not everyone knew??

You know you do.

1. I woke up all stove up

2. You look pekkid, are you feeling ok?

3. She through the house naked as a jaybird.

4. Cold out huh? It's blackberry winter (that's been these past couple of weeks in Arkansas)

5. Hand me a coke will ya? Yes, grab that Dr. Pepper in the door.

6. We're on the short rows now.

7. How am I? Oh, I'm fair to middlin'.

8. She's madder than a wet hen.

9. I'm fixin' to leave, hang on a second

10. He thinks he's too big for his britches.

11. You usted-could do that, but can't anymore.

12. Ain't no hill for a high-stepper like me.

13. Oh, she's about to pitch a hissy fit.

14. She just had a huge come-apart, she was so upset

15. This is just my family I think, but Kim says WE ALL SAY IT. "They're just plum goofy."

And almost 20 years later, Sean (my husband) still looks at me crazy when certain words come out of my mouth. I like to think that his look indicates he's wondering how he got so lucky with me rather than 'how did she think that chain of words made any sense?'

So, hopefully you enjoyed my list of Homer "duh" moments so you can feel better when you don't know things that everyone else seems to take for granted.

And now maybe you're wondering, ok but what does this have to do with sandtray therapy?

Good question!

Today's freebie and FREE training is all about sandtray play OR sandplay therapy.

Many therapists who are new to this area of work think the words are interchangeable, but this is not the case.

If this is you, just chalk this up to the didn't know what you didn't know category, no biggie.

To help you understand the differences, I put together an updated graphic, easy to save, share, or print out that clearly shows the differences between the two ways of working in the sand.

To grab your graphic, simply click on the link below

https://southernsandtray.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Sandtay-vs-sandplay.pdf

And for even more information, check out the FREE training I did on this subject this past week in the FREE Facebook group: The Sandtray Movement

https://www.facebook.com/636963644/videos/10158747430598645/

Of course, I train in sandtray therapy (not sandplay) at Southern Sandtray Institute, so all the information coming from me is created using the sandtray lens.

QUIZ TIME!

Today's quick is a THREE WORD PHRASE that is the key to learning sandtray.

To give you some hints

1. I say it all the time when teaching

2. We even had it printed on mugs and masks for Sandtray Suite members

3. It's what you say to yourself when you aren't sure if sandtray is working (even after you have trained and know all the things).

ANSWER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE EMAIL

Since we're on the topic of not knowing what you don't know, I'm going to share some specific miniatures you can grab at Miniature Madness that speaks to this very idea.

Of course, you can grab any of the miniatures below simply by clicking on the picture and putting them in your shopping cart.

Remember, if you're a Sandtray Suite member, you have a special 10% off code you can use at any time (it's in the Sandtray Suite Penthouse if you don't already know what it is).

ALSO - we have lots of SALES going on this month where we have marked MANY miniatures down 50-75%, so click this link below to grab those while they're still on sale.

https://miniaturemadness.shop/collections/value-bin

Alright, check out some of my favorite miniatures that help clients express those feelings of 'not knowing' and vulnerability that's common to all of us.

Yay!

You made it to the end. Hopefully you're walking a little lighter now that you know that someone who is supposed to be an expert in her field (me) makes all kinds of 'whhhaaaaa' mistakes and still manages to show up for ya'll.

Again, next Sandtray Ally, we'll be discussing the imposter syndrome and how this relates to sandtray therapy.

I'm excited to share resources with you as well as how to get out of your own head when you're wondering if you're enough.

That's it for April - next time I land in your inbox...