I’m not doing well.

The truth? I\’m not doing well.

As you are reading this, I’m likely lounging by the pool or on the beach during my much needed vacation.

However, I have an confession. I haven’t been doing well.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been kicking ass and taking names with my work. My private practice is going very well. I’m helping people and will likely be expanding in the near future. My baby, Southern Sandtray Institute is about ready to launch and I’m so super pumped about how it’s all coming together.

So, that’s the problem? I sound like I have it all together, my life is awesome.

But here’s the real truth. I’m exhausted. And I do it to myself. It’s all in my head. No one tells me I have to see 9 or 10 people a day  or get every training imaginable for sandtray.  I’m not doing this to keep my lights on, so what then? Why am I not doing well?

As therapists, we will run ourselves ragged trying to do it all.  We want to help others, keep our billing up, and make sure we are well respected within our profession. AND that’s just the job part.

That’s not even counting all of the other hours in the day where we are often the primary caregiver, spouse, go-to person for everyone.  Because again, we feel we have to.

I’m not any better than any of you, like I said I’m tired. But it’s a continual fight to keep myself balanced on the teeter-totter of being successful and keeping a personal life.

This isn’t a blog post to tell you that I’ve got it figured out. In fact, I’m leaving for vacation with some explicit instructions to NOT work.

It’s okay to not return every email within the hour.

It’s okay to say, no I don’t have time to take any more clients.

It’s okay to say, I just can’t. I’m done. I have no more to give.

So this is writing a post for myself as well as all of you therapists out there who are just soul-crushing, bone-wearingly tired. BUT you love what you do and there are those times when you GET to see change happen and feel so privileged that the universe worked to allow you to see that transformation.

So there’s the rub, you don’t hate what you do, it’s just sometimes hard to figure out HOW to do it in a  way where you have a life and are able to connect with other people in a way that doesn’t feel like you are doing an intake.

Honestly, I wish I could tell you my next blog post will be THE ANSWER.  That would be the most awesome blog post ever right? I would totally patent that and retire forever in the Bahamas (or would I?)

I can only tell you I have to keep coming back to reminding myself that I’m important too. I can’t serve from an empty cup. And yep, mine is bone dry.

So it’s not all hopeless. I saw this graphic this morning on one of my facebook groups and it really hit home in an old-fashioned-Southern Baptist-I’m-convicted-from-the-Holy-Spirit kind of way.

I looked at it and realized I haven’t done any of these lately. But I’m NOT going to go into a shame spiral. I’m going to relax on the beach, connect with my husband, nature, and myself with the hope I can be renewed.

Don’t worry- I’m not naïve enough to think this will be the last “come to Jesus” moment I will have about this balancing act I’ve been doing my whole life.

But what I can tell you is that I will keep trying. I will make sure that who I am is not just want I do. I will keep on and keep going.

And most importantly- I’ll try to tell myself that I am enough. No matter what I produce and what I do. I am enough.